There is a sadness and ambivalence
That settles on me at this time of year
An ‘in utero’ gift from my mother

The umbilical a conveyor
Of both nourishment and neurosis
Ancestral stories of abandonment rejection mistrust
Finding their way into the bloodstream

This ‘knowledge’ an expectorant
Causing my system to expel these unwanted intruders

Reinvention is always an optioned so I am cutting the cord
Allowing these ancestral tales to bleed out
Laying down news stories
Of joy acceptance and love
To nourish body and soul…                                                         

Today has not been my finest hour
Bogged down in these old stories
I fell back into bad ways
– Sensory distractions –
A quick fix that never really worked

For a moment I lost my way
And sought to push the accompanying feelings away
To smother them in empty substances

And then Truth came to the rescue
Whispering gently reminding me
‘Breathe deeply
Hold things lightly
Its only a story
This too will pass’

And I am set free
To change my thinking and my life…

(written Saturday November 30th 2014)